Making Your Spouse Listen to You More Often

Making Your Spouse Listen to You More Often Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems Print When Your Spouse Wont Listen By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20 years. Shes the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Learn about our editorial policy Sheri Stritof Updated on February 24, 2020 RgStudio / Getty Images More in Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems LGBTQ Violence and Abuse What can you do when your spouse wont listen to you? If you think your words are falling on deaf ears, it can take its toll on a marriage. Listeningâ€"Is the Door Closed? Think of a marriage as two connecting hotel rooms with adjoining doors. Openness in a marriage is keeping both doors open all the time. This type of openness comes from a willingness to share from ones heart. If your partner closes the door to his/her room, you cant open it. Only the person in the other room can open the door. If your spouse has blinders on, wont listen, or admit to a problem in your marriage, then keep knocking on that door, slip notes underneath, and keep your own door open. If you are being emotionally hurt or physically abused, however, then you may have to distance yourself from that doorway. Can You Make Your Spouse Listen? People want to know how to make a spouse listen. Bottom line, theres not a whole lot you can do to get your spouse to listen if he or she doesnt want to. You cannot change anyone but yourself. You cannot force your mate to hear what you are saying or to understand how you are feeling if they  dont want to. Forcing or manipulating someone into counseling doesnt mean that they will truly listen to what a counselor has to say either. Getting Counseling When Your Spouse Wont Listen It can be beneficial for marriage for just one spouse to seek counseling, even if the other refuses. Developing an understanding of both the positive and negative dynamics of the marital relationship, gaining knowledge of ones self, and learning coping skills can help a couple, regardless of the decisions made regarding their marriage. The Eye-Opening Moment May Come Too Late It is sad that often a spouse doesnt begin to listen until divorce papers have been filed. Then there is an experience of an eye-opening aha moment. Its often the crisis that finally causes these folks to accept personal responsibility for their hurtful behavior in their marriages. A downside of having an aha moment is that a person may then start expecting everyone to immediately forgive and forget past actions. A mentality of look how Ive changed is greeted with suspicion and mistrust. It is important to realize that it takes a great deal of time and patience, and living out the changes before trust can be rebuilt. It doesnt happen with a snap of the  fingers; people need time to heal and forgive. Beginning Again It is also important to realize that you cant go back to what was. You can begin again, but what was is gone. You will need to start a new journey to rebuild communication.